The Threshold of Coolidity

Well, I have probably proven to myself and those of you who read this blog that I am incapable of keeping a diary. I just wish that Bridget Jones was more like me and we all were not subjected to a PART II of her diary. (Digression: I have no idea how that girl can gain and lose weight faster than any other human being, she can probably make more money writing a book on how to make a belly disappear than by acting in movies) Back to the topic, I guess I did well in reporting on 10 days of my month-long trip to India. But then Tom Sawyer happened! True, blogging has always been "play" for me, but the moment I missed a day and felt that I had to catch up, the diary made a dramatic turn from play into "work". Infact it presented itself so dominantly as work that it made me stay away from my own site for around two months. Mark Twain probably unveiled one of the greatest psychological diagnosis of human behavior in calling everything we are not compelled to do as play, and everything we must, as work!

The next 20 days of my trip were nevertheless even more entertaining than the first ten. 

I made a little trip to Bangalore to meet one of my closest friends from Roorkee, Gaurav. Around a year ago, Gaurav gave me a buzz and said " Hey by the way I am getting married". We spoke for 20 minutes after that where I consistently just repeated "I am shocked," "This is amazing!" Unfortunately , I missed the wedding and this was my chance to meet his girl, Nidhi for the first time. My mom came with me too to pay a visit to Sai Baba, a religious figure I had heard tons about but knew nothing about at the same time. On reaching B'lore we dropped Miku to the ashram and rushed over to IIB's campus to watch the legendary band, Jethro Tull perform at the IIMB fest. Bangalore is home to the classic rock bands of yore! If you left India to watch rock shows while studying in the US, oooops. Tull was amazing, a bit monotonous at times, but none the less brilliant and extremely well received by the natives, at least better than I received them. That nite was a trip down to the bottom of a bottle of scotch with lot of catching up on lives. Nidhi knew everyone of our stories, it was like I had been there with them all this while. In fact it was the first time in my life that I saw a young married couple who looked like they were having the time of their lives and it sprayed stench on visions of single, frivolous life while it shone hope and beauty on the possibilities that married life may just be more fun than anything that precedes it, just if the two people belong together. And of course, Nidhi was simply amazing! I had heard tons about her from T, but she was all that and more. Full of life, full of beauty, smiles pouring out, and anyone could see that she absolutely adores Gau, and loves him in spite of his rather large ears!

The following day involved us old people dealing with the evils of hangovers but also visiting an amazing restaurant named Samarkhand where the menu was in the form of a newspaper, and the kababs oh the kababs! That nite Jal, a band that has swooped young hearts with their music, showed off their skills on stage and did a remarkable job if it despite their slight lack of lyrics. (wo ho wo ho consitutes 80% of the vocal sounds) Was a great time, as one of my best friends, Emily joined us and we were catching up after 2 years. Sunday was amazing fun too, as I was thrown in front some of the most amazing malls I have ever seen in my life. After visiting a million malls in the US, thanks to all the girls I hang out with and my secret desire to buy tons of clothes, I dint expect to be taken aback by a mall in India. But was I wrong. The malls that had sprung up, along with the restaurants, were nothing short of creative genius! And when you think about it, it all makes sense. Malls are not a luxury in America, everyone goes there, most people can afford it. However in India, only the chosen few can avail a pricey mall, and its existence and their spending capacity sets them apart from the other billion people in the country. In a land of a billion people, everyone is striving to differentiate themselves from the others, and for the wealthy luxury is the simplest way to hop on the a higher pedestal.

That night, lying awake on a bed, with a day left in the trip, I felt awesome about a rather hectic journey. I had met Gaurav, who even after knowing about all the pain I went through in the last year, with words managed to make sure everything was all right, and yet not delve into it far enough to revive it in my mind. Also, I was totally inspired by a friend who used to be as much of a cowboy as me, and maybe, just maybe seeing Gaurav and Nidhi would make an even bigger difference in my life than I could tell that nite!

I have never maintained this site as a diary. But, since my trip to India has new things everyday that I dont wanna lose track of here comes my diary!

Day 10 (01/29/06):  Jamshedpur - Sin City

Sunday was marked by watching Roger Federer prove to the entire world why the 24 year old is already hailed as the best player of all time. He allowed the challenger to make people doubt his supremacy for two sets and then demolished him 6-0, 6-2. Strokes of genius! In the evening, we went for a golf party where I hung out with an 8th grade guy, and a 10th grade girl and I must admit that it was one of the most fun I have had on the trip. The guy would keep on saying he wants a 36-24-36 ladki, and it was hilarious. The cap on the evening was at 12:00 when all the uncles were drunk out of their minds and one in front of his wife kept saying that “Amrit I know your numbers are greater than mine both in number of times and women but I am pretty close too!” and when she turned around in disapproval, he said “I don’t mind when she is turns around in anger coz I like this view too!” The next 5 mins involved me laughing hysterically with my mom begging me not to laugh anymore. Later, my mom gave me all the scoop on who is sleeping with whom, and I concluded Jamshedpur is Sin City!

Foods conquered: Chicken Korma, Shahi Paneer, Dahi Fish, Shrimp Curry

Day 9 (01/28/06): Party like its 1969

Saturday was very chilled. I wait for the weekend coz this is the only time I hang with my parents since they are busy working during the week. First went and visited my high school principal Sister Helena who was thrilled to see me, and kept telling my mom that she couldn’t believe that the naughtiest kid in school had matured so much, and also said I look nice and chubby! Later on that afternoon we went shopping for a family friend’s 25th anniversary. It was great for old times sake. In school I used to often accompany Miku for huge shopping sprees and we had a blast haggling, acting snob, and buying cool stuff. Managed to squeeze in a short date, no! the date(girl) wasn’t short, the date(duration) was ! The party was insane too. I am amazed at how these “pushing 60” year-olds can still party. There was food, there was dancing, and there was alcohol. The youngies stepped back as spectators as our folks shook it and laughed and partied. An amazing fact was that every uncle or aunty whose kid was in town looked 10 years younger totally outshone my Miku who looks 20 years younger ever since I got off the plane. And I found out that I have really, really matured. My parents in the middle of the party come and hug me and say “baby baby” something that would have made me bury myself back in high school, now its just amazing fun …….

Foods conquered: Butter Ghee Masala Dosa, Chicken Mughlai, Biryani, Blender’s Pride, Black Label

Day 8 (01/27/06): Sleeping Beauty

Sleep, Restroom, Sleep, Restroom, Sleep in Restroom

Foods conquered: Conquered by food!

Day 7 (01/26/06): Tri-Colored

I always thought that some day I would paint my kid’s face with colors before he went out trick or treating on Halloween. Well, I painted a kid’s face today, my dad’s! I painted his face with the tricolor so that he could get some attention and camera time at the Republic day parade, and it worked wonders, the camera never left him! After the parade we went to a classy restaurant for lunch, his face still painted. On return, went to the highway with friends Abhishek n Amrita and had lunch and drinks again. Evening was at CCD to see off our friend Itti where I devoured more chicken sandwiches, to wrap it up went to a shaadi and made talk with aunties and uncles and feasted on the yummiest shaadi menu ever! Was treated as a showpiece item and everyone came to see what I look like now. Felt awesome.

Foods conquered: Chicken Stroganoff, Fish n Chips, Reshmi Kabaab, Tandoori Chicken, Fish Fry, Butter Chicken, Chicken sandwiches, Biryani

 Ps.Cannot eat anymore, will never eat again

Day 6 (01/25/06): Up to Date!

I am so firangi (point III): I can’t drive in India anymore. I have no problems with the side of road anymore, simply drive on the side of road as determined by the kind of car I am handed (which side the steering wheel is). But I stop at intersections waiting for everyone to pass while the people behind me honk and get irritated. Afternoon involved intense hindi speaking as I tried to explain to shopkeepers that I needed a converter from American power outlet to Indian, quite challenging I must admit. Evening: Awesome Date (Viva La Café Coffee Day: Finally a dating/hangout place in Jam)

Foods conquered: Chicken Sandwiches, Pastries, Cappachillo (Yes we are unashamed of pigging out on dates)

Day 5 (01/24/06): Mattress Discounters

I am so firangi (point II): This morning I woke up, and went to the loo and there was no toilet paper. This entailed suiting up, driving in search of toilet paper for 15 mins, clenching butt cheeks at the store and on the way back, and making it back just in time for the fireworks. The rest of the day involved blasting my old electric guitar to tell the neighbors I am home, dada and me buying a new mattress for me for Rs 4000 which we thought was a great deal, and miku going back to the store after work to haggle on a sold item. My dad and made fun of her but were shut up when she came home with a free pillow, Rs 300 and more importantly piece of mind. Spent a chilled evening at home watching Sarkar, beautiful remake of godfather, to the point, no songs, personalized for Indian situations, very cool!

Foods conquered: Butter Chicken

Day 4 (01/23/06): F-1 (Flirt-I) Visa

An 8 o’clock visa interview was no problem to wake up for given that I woke up again at 6:00. My special interview for a visa was scheduled for a Kolkata holiday so it wasn’t much of a hassle, but nothing is without complications and the great computerization of information bit me in the ass. During my interview, it popped up that my aunt had once in 1998 applied for an immigrant visa for my mom which indirectly implies an open immigrant visa for my dad and me. This happens to be a really big complication because it makes it look like I have both an immigrant and non-immigrant visa application pending. Luckily, the interviewer was a 27 year old hottie from Virginia. So moi made chitchat about Fairfax, and DC hangouts and told her that I had no idea what my parents were upto. She giggled, smiled and yup I got a visa so I won’t be living this lazy life forever. The evening involved a rather boring trip back home in a train, but now I am back home in Jamshedpur, and home sweet home it is ….

Foods conquered: Pooris and Aloo Bhujiya, Trains chicken cutlets, Mommy’s Chilli Chicken

Day 3 (01/22/06): The Monologue

 Woke up half an hour later today to the relief of my parents. My cousin came over. Lately all my dad’s sisters have been plotting her hitch-up coz she is 27 but she has no intentions of getting married right now, and even if she did they have no idea what she is looking for. Anyways, she cried telling me the story early in the morning, so at breakfast I broke into monologue instructing everyone to back off. After the 30 minute monologue, I feasted to a huge breakfast, and as far as I know till now no one has raised the topic. We also went to visit my mom’s parents. Her dad kinda has too many senior citizen moments these days and is extremely entertaining. He took me over to his friend’s house to display me, and to my shock he asked me to recite poetry, that too in Bengali, and then asked me to touch their feet, neither of these events happened, of course, but none the less the requests were adorable. The rest of the evening I got documents ready for my visa interview. Boring!

Foods conquered: More pastries, fish fry, fish curry, pizza hut chicken tikka pizza

Day 2 (01/21/06): Saans Bharo for Bahooo!

I now wake up at 5:30 in the morning and then plead people to wake up. Then I make my aunts listen to Antardhwani music (they are classically trained professional singers so their opinion is respected) and they are extremely impressed by the raagish influence. Later on in the day since I traveled light my folks took me out t-shirt shopping. My mom has a new weapon and a new dream. She really, really wants a daughter-in-law (the dream) and instead of talking much about it she sighs (the new weapon) when she sees jewelry and walks through tank top sections in stores indicating she wishes she had a d-in-law to shop for/with! In fact she has told me that this year is supposed to be an awesome year for me and I should get settled. The enthusiasm is carrying over to the photograph sessions where she inquisitively asks questions about girls in my photo albums on my laptop.

Foods conquered: Aloo Parantha, Shrimp Cocktail (Too good), Samosas, Pastries, Chicken Pattie

Day 1 (01/20/06): HomeComing King! 

Well, the first day started pretty early, 1:30 in the morning. Exited into the customs area to find a dude standing with my name on a placard. He promptly asked me for my passport, bypassed an enormous customs line, and in 5 mins I was out (Royal Treatment). My parents were there outside the waiting area. We seem to have reached a Johnson and Johnson moment: No more tears. Was the warmest feeling ever to see them, and conversations took over as we spent a talkative early morning till they fell asleep and I spent time the rest of the morning with Jet lag and my mp3 player. The rest of the day after waking up was spent giving gifts to my cousins which they loved, presents to parents and general catching up. In the evening, we went to my old favorite restaurant and feasted on Indian Chinese at BAR-B-Q. In other news my mom showed extreme disapproval at the threads hanging off my jeans and trackpants and I guard them closely to prevent them from getting the famous scissor treatment.

Foods conquered: Poori Bhaji, Mutton Curry, Indian Chinese

Day 0: (Don’t really know what day it is)

I have never been one for talking on the plane to random strangers who have been placed next to me by a computer’s whim. Maybe, just maybe with the great success of internet profiling and dating, all our profiles should be matched and even travel partners should be determined by equating some sort of travel partner quotient. Living in America I have always been amazed at the ease at which Americans pour out their social, mental issues to a stranger in 5 minutes while waiting for coffee at Starbucks. It takes me at least 5 months to achieve the same with close friends. But this feat Americans accomplish is quite commendable. A shrink costs 200 smackaroos an hour, so if you just wanna get something off your chest why not unleash it on someone who will never see you again, therefore never judge you for what you say … brilliant!

 I am so firangi (point I): On the flight from Heathrow to Kolkata, my travel mate Andrea decided to make chitchat with me complementing me on the sound of the music I was blasting. Even though she was quite attractive, and sounded pretty sweet, I thought of cutting this conversation short in a matter of seconds as I usually do on planes. But then it happened, I told her how my work was coming along, how I wanted to get a patent, join a new company, how my parents were, how my love life has been lately, how my bands are coming along, how I hurt my back, everything! Yes, Andrea knows more about me than most acquaintances do. And the result, truly liberating! The session with her has left me with nothing to crib about and now when anyone asks me the most piercing questions about the above issues, I beam “Everything is simply awesome!”

Claimer: 1)This post contains explicit content and is not meant to be offensive. 2)I dub these soldiers of discovery above the threshold of coolidity. 3) Just becoz i wrote sensible stuff since turned 26, does NOT mean I have lost my ability to be completely immature! 4) This post will be much more fun if you are high!

We’ve all heard the expression “think outside the box!” There are some people who just can’t do that because inside the box is where they wanna be. Then there are some who manage to break free of the box and serve as idols for the ones trapped inside. However, a chosen few were never meant to be in the box in the first place. They jump out of it with ease and then turn around and say “The box is not a box, it’s a sphere!” People in this elite category have received various treatments from society. Some hailed by the world as wizards of their time, and were bestowed honors such as the Nobel Prize or Knighthood by the Queen. The others may have been totally unappreciated for their contribution, called freaks or weirdoes for their unconventional claims, or even hanged in their time, and worshipped 3 generations later.

So, someone proved that the atom can be split into yet another particle. Sure, this will effect our lives 100 years from now, but what about the men and women who left their little marks on everyday life? Years and years ago, when the word “sitting” was not invented, and language was just developing, some guy must have been squatting on the road, and another guy passed by him and asked “Hey, what are you doing?” The dude looked up and said “I am SITTING!” What made him say that? There was no word called "sitting" at that time! That’s a moment of originality! Or maybe he was bihari, like the dudes who say “wassing massine” instead of “washing machine”, and was taking a shit on the side of the road, wanted to say “I am SHITTING” and ended up discovering the word “Sitting!” And who is going to pay tribute to the first undergrad girl who wanted to say “My dad said …..” and suddenly burst into “And then my dad was like” … Means, that is like, that is like soooooo novel! “And then Tom was like, Jill was like, that Becca is like such a slut!” We all use her invention today! I salute you little undergrad girl! Again, we all get angry at things that happen to us everyday, but who got so angry at someone, that they wanted to come up with a comeback, or a means of telling the other person off, and suddenly stuck out their middle finger! The other person must have been like “Oh he is so angry! I should chill!”

But moments of sheer genius are not restricted to language and gestures. In days of old, some guy walked past a tobacco plant, and thought to himself, “Man, I gotta set that thing on fire and smoke it, that would be so cool!” And then God made the marijuana plant for us. After years of frustration of his invention being unnoticed, he sent down the “chosen one” to earth to enlighten us all! That kid saw the marijuana plant, and immediately knew. “Heaven is high, I must get higher, must burn and smoke that plant too!”

One day a couple was having sex and suddenly half-way through, the guy looked up (or down) at the one he trusted and loved and said “Baby, Would you suck it for me?” Or maybe it was the girl who invented this great deed thinking to herself, “I’m just too tired to have sex with the bastard, maybe I should just suck it and put him to sleep!” All hail the mighty blow job! Coz sex may be biological (animals do it too), but I have never seen animals giving blow jobs (it’s a human thing to do!)

Who was the first girl who did the math, “Mmmmm, I’m not getting laid, mmm, opposites attract, mmm, men are hairy, mmmm, let me shave my legs and make them silky smooth!” Ladies, you must profusely thank this talented mathematician and inventor; What if she never made her discovery? What if .......? I am sure her math got her more respect than a Nobel prize could ever bring! And yeah, who was the first dude who thought instead of me and my ten friends all having a ball to kick around in the field, let us adults all fight over one ball, that would be fun! So, my friends, sport was invented! And then there was a desi dude who thought to himself, “Lets 14 of us get together, split into teams of 7, one of us run across the line, touch the others, and try to get them to touch, hold, wrestle me to the ground! AND not to forget lets do this wearing diapers!” Yes, Kabbadi was invented! And if you ask me, I can bet on which team he played for. Infact, he was a genius!

Well, the list goes on, it’s hard to even imagine how many moments of sheer genius are never hailed in their true worth. But this is my little tribute to the most innovative men and women of all time. To add to this I am started off a little discussion thread of discoveries, sayings or just about anything that I/you believe deserves commendation. Add on here : Grateful unDead!

Tonite when the bell strikes 12 times, the curtains will come down on the first quarter of my life!

As I turn 26, I’m ready to turn my life in any direction I feel like. Though my friends have been getting kicks outa teasing me since I am officially getting old, the number 26 doesn’t freak me out in the least bit (ref:  I dint deal with 22 well at all and am slightly scared the freaking out may be a leap year thing I do!) So, I’m gonna be 26, look 23, act 18, talk like I’m 15 and think like a 7 year-old. Doesn’t get funner than that! The truth is I am actually pumped up to be 26. For all you music junkies, as far as I know, Eddie Vedder formed Pearl Jam when he was 26 and given that this last year has been all about music for me maybe the time has come!

Now the only freaky thing about 26 is that when I was looking back at 0-25, I realized the next look back may well be 26-50!!! (what do people have to get done before 50??? Everything??????)

Well, even though thanksgiving was last month, and I really dint give any thanks then (ref: its hard to be grateful when you have stuffed yourself rotten, and the only thought on your mind is: “Should I unbuckle my belt, undo the button, and unzip half way or would that be rude?”).

So turkey aftermath:

When I opened my eyes: I don’t remember when I first opened my eyes, but I’m sure whenever it happened I saw the two most awesome people in the world. Miku, and Dada! Folks, who while performing the daunting task of parenting, never ceased to be my best friends even for a second. Hats off to the two people who managed to keep a kid who wanted to break himself and everything around him in one piece, a teenager who had the potential of dropping out of high school, to get a Master’s in Electrical Engineering, and a guy who while leaving home at the age of 18 thought that he’d never miss home, count every minute of every hour till he gets to go home just to see them (17^th Jan, 2006). If I would try to talk about each of them in one line: Dada is the most dedicated and honest human being I have ever met in my life, born with more will power than I have ever seen anyone possess, saved at least a million people as a surgeon, literally worshipped by his patients, and yet, the funniest dude ever with whom I can discuss anything. Miku, on the other hand is the most normal person I have ever known, more caring than anyone I know, more talented than anyone I know but devoted her entire life to making me and I owe almost everything I am to her (plus I have mommy’s pretty eyes).

Who opened my eyes: Friends walk into our lives at different times, and the different times they enter the scene immensely affects the role they play. My friends from high school and me back in the day helped each other get through the tough time of being a teenager, fights with authority, arguments with parents, falling for girls, and it was more of a fun relation, but after several years when friendship stood the test of time, they now represent the stability in my life and the fact that even though everything is fleeting, friends stay back even when the party is over. Back in undergrad, a bunch of friends, we found out and tested the limits of how much fun a group of 18 years olds can dream of having. No rules, no code, just bliss! Oblivious to the fact that we were helping each other deal with being away from home, and completely oblivious to the fact that during the course of this insane party we actually kept each other in check and prevented self-destruction. Years from then, those are the guys and girls who know and can explain my every move, and when all reasoning fails, I turn to them for their explanation of “me!” And then we come to friends in a foreign land, and that’s where friends take a small step over the line of friendship into the role of family. A group of friends opening doors, and walking through them together, and when a door slams on one of us, all the others are there to pick up the fallen one.

But yeah, silently performing these unspoken roles; with all my friends it’s been one wild party; Crazy jokes, insane laughter, introduction to new talents, new music, new outlooks, new cocktails, new religions, and a whole new life. My eyes are open!

Who caught my eye: My first memories date back to around 5 years old, and from that moment of awareness of self, I have also been aware of my weakness/strength for girls. I kissed girls and made them cry when I was in nursery and then the crying soon eased into different emotions when I hit school years! But jokes aside, I have been one of the luckiest people in the world. Every woman I have been attracted to and have spent time with has turned out to be absolutely amazing. I have been known for my weakness for pretty smiles, killer legs, etc etc, but every time I have let my guard down and loved someone it is crazy how much love I have gotten in return, and it amazes me that someone could love me that much; change me in ways I wanted me to changed, make me someone I always wanted to be, accept me the way I am at the same time, and make every moment a moment that deserves a smile and maybe a tear!

Who let me close my eyes: My parents put me on a plane when I was 20 feeling helpless, but turning me over to the ones they trusted the most, my relatives. Without naming anyone, my kin let me be who I was, and let me close my eyes and not worry about anything; rescued me from things as trivial as a car tire burst, as important as college admissions, and as traumatic as illness in a land where falling ill seems to be a sin! I learnt that you don’t have to be on American Idol to be a true idol (for my cousins), I learnt that family isn’t about talking about how much you love and miss your relatives, it’s all about being there when they need you!

What I hear when I close my eyes: I live for music. I happen to do a lot of stuff, but music is not a hobby, it’s my passion! My guitar has given me company every single day for the last 14 years, but only after coming to college park have I realized what I can do with it. Writing songs, playing music, and hanging with my band Antardhwani is something I can barely put into words, but in short it’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Driven by passion and the fun it has been, Antardhwani has played 4 times for crowds despite band members’ hectic schedules, and the loss of band members who moved away, and now has several music compositions to splash over our first CD (someday ....). Besides fusion music, Alap and me, have more than 25 songs to show off on our unnamed, unlabeled, unheard band which one day will play the music we breathe for!

What keeps my eyes open: I never thot I would say this, but sometimes I am dying to fall asleep, but can’t coz I want to get up and work. Yeah, I’ve always excelled at academics, have tons of journal publications and a patent as an undergrad, but never really cared about anything I had done. Well, things change! The work I do now, Wireless Sensor Networks for tracking to save first responders in the face of an emergency has brought 20 years of answering tests and studying to life. My work will be patented, then published, yield dough, but even if none of that happens it will be a step towards saving somebody’s life.

My name is Amrit. I am turning 26. I have no regrets. I am the luckiest guy alive. There is nothing more I can ask for!

With arms wide open!

PS: Rearview Mirror is the name of Pearl Jam’s greatest hits.

Actors are the luckiest people in the world. They get to play almost every role (everyone they wish they could be for example Batman, a lawyer, the devil, and a rocket scientist) in the same lifetime. Even though I am not an actor there are some situations I would love to enact before the curtains close on me:

1) Scene 1:

Location: Anywhere 

Actors: Me and a British Lady around 40 years old or if I was 40 she would havta be 55 (so me+15)

British Lady: Aamrit, how do you do?

Amrit: I do very well, if I may say so myself!

 2) Scene 2 (Adapted from something I once saw)

Location: Elevator

Actors: Moi again and any girl inside or outside the elevator

Girl: Going down?

Moi: You really cut to the chase don't you?

3) Scene 3:

Location: Anywhere

Actors: Bandy and girlfriend

Girlfriend: Bandy, why did you cheat on me? Who did you sleep with?

Bandy:  No, nio, no, WHOM did you sleep wid? The question is WHOM did I sleep wid?