The Threshold of Coolidity

I think I hate my wife! Its 1 o'clock on Saturday nite and I am so fucking pissed off at my wife. While I sit here blogging, she is fucking some other guy! I kid you the fuck not! I know, that my wife, is having sex with someone else as we speak (or so to write). For those of you who don't  read English (though I dont know what the fuck you are doing on my blog if you can't), the hindi translation is Meri biwi chud rahi hain!
Okay, so I know you're thinking the right thing to do, as usual, is for me to talk it out with her, tell her about my feelings, blah blah blah, but there are a couple of problems. One, I hate sitting down and talking really serious and uncomfy things out, until they hit critical mass. But again, this one has, so I guess that brings us to problem two! I would call her to yell my brains out, but I kinda dont know her phone number. And, yeah I'd meet her and yell at her face, but I kinda havent met her yet!
I guess I just pole vaulted myself up the crazy ladder there! But, everything I have said is true. This is not the ranting of a mad man, and I do have a point here. So fine, I am not married, and ok, I don't have a wife, but I intend to someday, and I intend to have only one wife, so I believe it is fair for me to refer to her as MY WIFE. Now, knowing my track record, and taste in women, I know that my wife is gonna be smokin' hot, and smokin' smart! And everyone knows that smokin hot, and smokin smart girls get laid all the time, don't they? Which brings me back to my point, my wife is fucking some other man right now!
Why is she doing this to me? Why, why, why? Now, let me tell you why I am so angry at this. From vast, i mean, past experience, I know almost exactly how this thing is gonna go ...

PHASE I:
I am gonna meet my wife, hopefully sometime soon. We're gonna have an awesome first date, and she's gonna be sooo happy, tra la la la la, telling her friends, it was amazing, we have so much in common, and we bonded so well, and he was so romantic, and he made me laugh ... havta stop there, I dont have sex on the first date, and tell, so cant tell you about that part. We're gonna go out on dates almost everyday, have the most awesome time spending time with each other, and she's gonna be all happy, tra la la la la, telling her friends, this is going so well, we have so much fun when we are with each other, and I think, oh god, this is so good, and my girl is so happy, nothing can go wrong.
PHASE I Complete

PHASE II: 
A week goes by, and she's gonna be telling her friends, he's soo stupid, we go out all the time, it so amazing, but he loves calling it dating, why the hell doesnt he call me his girlfriend? what the fuck is wrong with him? boo hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo. And so, I'm gonna resist for a bit, then figure out, well I guess she really is my girlfriend and I like that, so one day I'll give in and say one morning, mmmm nothing like waking up next to my girlfriend ... and she's gonna be sooo happy, tra la la la, la la la la. I again think everything is perfect, nothing could go wrong coz my girl is happy.
PHASE II Complete

PHASE III: 
A couple of months go by and she's the happiest girl ever, and then she's sniffling as she tells her friends, my boyfriend is so stupid, we've been dating for months, its soo amazing, but he hasnt said that he loves me, why the hell doesnt he say it? what the fuck is wrong with him? And again, I'll resist it for a while, but then realize, damn, I really love this girl and I like that, so I'll give in and say one morning, mmmm nothing like waking up next to the girl I love ... AND she's gonna be sooo happy, tra la la la, la la la la.
PHASE III Complete

PHASE IV: 
And so another couple of months go by, she's the happiest girl in the world and I think nothing can go wrong, this is so perfect, and then she's crying and telling her friends, this guy who loves me, he's so stupid, we're so in love and I spend all my time at his place, and he hasnt asked me to move in, I think he's using me, why hasnt he asked me to move in with him, what the fuck is wrong with him? And again, I resist for a couple of days, and then think, well she kinda lives here, and its so nice when she's around, and I'm gonna give in and say one morning, mmmm nothing like waking up next to the girl I love every day, AND she's gonna be sooo happy, tra la la, la la la la.
PHASE IV Complete

PHASE V: 
Another couple of months go by, and she's the happiest girl in the world, and I think things are so perfect, nothing can go wrong, and then she's howling and telling her friends, This guy I live with is so stupid, we've been living together for months, I take care of him all the time, waaaaah, waaaaah, and he hasnt asked me to marry him yet, waaaaah, why is he doing this to me, why doesnt he want to marry me, what the fuck is wrong with him? And I'm gonna resist one last time, and finally realize, well, I guess this is it, this is the girl I'm gonna call my wife, so I'm gonna give in and say one morning (well, this one will probably not be in the morning, but just for the sake of continuity), mmmmm nothing like waking up next to the girl I love every day for the rest of my life. AND, she is gonna be sooooo happy that she is gonna be in tears, and she's gonna show that fucking ring to all her friends, and cry even more, and she's gonna cry before the wedding, on the wedding day, and after the wedding ...........
PHASE V Complete

 
Which brings me back again to my point ... If this girl is gonna love me sooooo much that she is gonna cry for me, want me to be her boyfriend, and will cry until i accept it, love me so much that she wants me to love her, and will cry until I say it, love me so much, that she wants to live with me, and will cry until it happens, and love me so much that she will want to marry me, and will cry until I ask her, then WHY the fuck is she cheating on me? Why cant she just sit her smoking hot ass back at home, keep her smoking hot legs together, and fucking blog, the way NORMAL single people do?