Game, Set, MATCH!
Most people would rather stand in front of a raging bull than be single. Being single has its charms, but most of its charms are only an attraction to people in relationships who have a wandering eye, and just aren’t monogamous (technically none of us are monogamous but we’ll talk about that later). The rest of the population comprises people who are with someone and dread the days they spent in pursuit of companionship: those lonely nights, individual dinners, unease being the third wheel, and constant disappointment in others and themselves. The other group of people who have the morbid fear of singlehood are in fact the single people living the dreaded life. It’s a jungle out there. If there are a million single men out there all on the prowl, and another million single women waiting to be pounced on or to pounce on someone, why is it so hard to find a partner to dance with. Well, firstly some people just have ghastly communication skills, ie even a rock can come up with better conversation than they do, or they are timidly shy yet awesome once they open up, but opening them up is akin to opening a coke can with your teeth, and lastly the breed of people that keep saying to themselves, “I can do better, this person is not a perfect match!” Pretty much we all have this notion of a match, and finding a person that matches the match is where the game is at!
I guess in India, parents believe in taking a personal interest in every single problem their kids face. So if Ramu or Rima ain’t getting laid, mama will find them a partner to tango in bed with. Of course, this process of finding a life partner incorporated by mama may entail horoscopes, bias to race/cast/creed, extensive photograph scrutiny etc. So in short, mama finds Ramu the prettiest and smartest gal she believes will satisfy him yet not dominate him (A M.S degree guy rarely is set up with a PhD holding girl). Some of the selection criteria are pretty subtle too. I was aware that arranged marriages favor women who can dance (maybe bharatnatyam). A couple of years ago though, a lady in her forties told me that it had nothing to do with the woman dancing for her man, coz wives don’t really bharatnatyam for their men, it is a test of flexibility (viva la kamasutra!) and well done mama!
Neways, given that the arranged marriage culture is renowned to be typical to India, some Americans even believe it to be compulsory in India, I have often heard peoples view of it and that inspired me to blog this out. Let the record show, I don’t particularly appreciate the concept of arranged marriage given that it sometimes is accompanied by parents coaxing their daughters to be with someone they don’t want to be with. Not Cool!
Back to the point, a friend of mine, Dan once went all out on the issue of arranged marriage being inhuman, absurd, disturbing since the parents do the matching. I never really debated it out with him since I am not a proponent of arranged marriage though my reasons are different. Anyways, Dan has met the girl of his dreams and he called me up to tell me that he plans to go down on his knees soon. Being currently single I had to push forth the question “Where did you meet her?” “Through match-maker.com” came Dan’s answer. Silence oh awkward silence! Arranged marriage is supposedly absurd and disturbing but match maker is cool? What is the difference between the two? Well in the Indian case, two people who love you (parents) tell you who they think is the one for you, and in Dan’s case, some Dr. Phil, or software program tells him, “So Dan, Elizabeth is the girl of your dreams, you are both vegetarians, love kayaking, favorite color is green, and your favorite book is the Da Vinci Code. So get married, and reproduce like bunnies so that more morons (your dumb offsprings) use our pathetic website!” Dan lost his footing to ever belittle the arranged marriage system, and got me thinking that are similar tastes a criteria for love? It does help people get along better, but sounds more like a trivial friendship test to me, and similar tastes is not even an issue in friendship. And the Da Vinci Code is half the human populations favorite book. Why? Why? So as far as I am concerned resorting to match-maker should be restricted to only those with communication skills of a rock, unless matchmaker is ready to broadcast their successful pairs’ honeymoon nights live on their website. Then it’s a different ball game!
bandy
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3 Comments
Reader Comments (3)
The absurdity of having your marriage arranged by your parents or an on-line match making site, are I guess comparable. But considering the lives we live, no matter what you do. . .it is always choosing from within a small pool of people when the time is right. For example, if you fall for a girl in your class and decide to ask her out. . .you have only chosen her from all the girls you know at around that time. That number may be 5, 10, a 100 (if you are really lucky). . . but the fact remains that the "match" was more a function of mutual convenience than some esoteric magic happening.
I am not saying that people don't fall in love. What I am saying is that people often fall in love with 1 out of 50 girls, and (if you meet enough people) there are lots of people you could fall in love with. And looked at this way, all that the arranged marriage, internet, or your choice is doing is increasing the odds that you will find something you (or your parents) will like. Of course, if one had communication skills greater than a rock, he could do this himself.
Lovely blog by the way.
Subhamoy.
I totally agree with you. I think what you wrote above is in perfect harmony with a posssible belief(I share it) that people can fall in love with more than one person while they are in a relationship. Given the pressure these days to be with someone, the point seems to be how much of the "esoteric magic" was traded off to give into the "mutual convenience" so that one day when one of the couple meets another much closer to his/her heart than the one he/she is wid, do you leave the person you are wid. Now if your love (undefined) was flawless in the first place, then I guess not but if it was flawed as a mutual convenience from the very onset I really dont know the answer to whether someone should leave for a better prospect. (future blog)
yup, matchmaker does increase the sample size, I just dont get how it works you know. My blog though was about my friends view/hypocrisy however I have all sorts of issues with matchmaker. I think I should make an account to figure out whether I am just prejudiced or not! ;)
PS: Now I am confused!!